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  • Chris Davy

S is for...Swearing

(You’ll all be pleased to hear that today’s entry is dedicated to my Mum. Because, well it was always going to be that way. The old bag!)


Aaaahhhhhhhh yeeeeaaaaahhhhhh!!


Swearing!!


HERREEE WEEEE GOOOO!!!


Fuck

Bitch

Shit

Cunt

Twat

Dick

Piss

Arse

Wank

Twat


Then I’ve had a blank. I guess, these are my natural top 10 swear words. I’m happy with that list. It’s pretty strong. But seriously, I’ve had a bit of a blank. I clearly don’t use many words outside of this list.


Nob

Cock

Fucker

Fucking

Bellend

Pussy


THEN, I read the original list and realised that I wrote twat twice!!! What a...


T-WAAAAAAAAAT!!


But it is a good one.


TWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!


I’ve asked Trace for some help but she keeps giving me hybrids.


Cock Womble

Twat Waffle

Twunt


Which is all very well and good but I was looking for pure swear words.


Bollocks

Balls

Gimp

Jizz


I’m not gutted, but I’m not pumped about this either. I guess I’m just slowly cutting them out. Ok, frankly, I feel like I’ve let myself down a bit.


Swearing is a good thing, sometimes. Don’t forget that. Swearing is a vent. It is a release. It is just somebody letting off steam. So if someone swears, just chill. If someone swears at you however, well, it’s up to you what you do about that. But if they swear in your presence, there’s probably a reason for their swearing, so yeah, like I say, just chill. Do your homework first.


I love swearing. Ahem, I fucking love swearing. Frankly, I don’t know where I would be without it. I’ve needed it a lot in my life time. Because a lot of things have pissed me off.


Mother fucker


Think about how many films, stand-ups, songs, stories, tv shows, plays would be shit without swearing.


Samuel L. Jackson, Pulp Fiction


“Say what again. Say what again. I dare you, I double dare you, you little rascal. Say what one more goddamn time.”


Just doesn’t cut it mate.


Is ‘goddamn’ swearing? I don’t think it is in 2019. But it definitely was once upon a time.


But listen up. I have two older brothers. I’ve been around football. I listened to music. I watched all sorts of TV and films growing up. And all of this is before I had access to the internet. I was always going to swear man.


The thing is, you’ve got to know when you can and can’t use it. Who you can and can’t use it around. It’s not a one size fits all thing, man. Plus, some people need to be sworn at. You won’t click with some people until you swear at them. Annnnnd it’s important to be able to call someone out for being a prick. Live in the real world, if you are being an arsehole, expect someone to call you an arsehole.


Here’s the other thing...what even are the swear words anyway? Because I know someone out there is saying that dump is a swear word. They need to have a word with them-self. Dump is mega tame on the swearing spectrum.


Fucko

Tosser


Now I’m not going to go for the G-14 classified swear words. Not today. I mean, please, what do you take me for?


Someone out there is already going...but you’ve said cunt. And I’m saying, come on now mate, give over, you know that’s not at the what I’m getting at. There’s a couple of words that are just not to be waved around willy nilly.


Man, I’m good to you guys. So, OffCom,

the Office of Communications; is the UK government approved regulatory and competition authority for the broadcasting, telecommunications and postal industries of the United Kingdom.


What in the duck does that mean?


Well, if you click on the link you’ll find a bunch of research about the language that is used. And how it’s categorised.


I find this really funny. Because I’m a child. I just have visions of a bunch of nerds in a room going


“Oh no David, nob is definitely a more offensive a term than shaft. Most definitely.”


Which in essence, is pretty much exactly what has happened.


https://www.ofcom.org.uk/about-ofcom/latest/media/media-releases/2016/attitudes-to-offensive-language


Not being funny, but one of these documents is 126 fucking pages long!!!!!!!!!!


Haaaaaahahahahahaha!! Piss off!!


Beef curtains!!


Dude, it’s one of the funniest things you can read.


Just remember. It’s not just about what is said, it’s about how it’s said, when it’s said, where it’s said, why it’s said, who said it. Sometimes it’s totally cool to swear. In fact, a lot of the time it’s totally cool to swear. It might not be totally necessary, but I’d rather someone swore than physically hurt someone. Always.

Reality is, we have a choice. Unless you have like Tourette’s or something. But the rest of us do. If you have a choice over what comes out your mouth, you have a choice over how it comes out your mouth, you have a choice over a whole bunch of shit. If you don’t like the results you are getting, then maybe you should look at the choices you are making?


If you want my actual take on swearing. I like sport, in particular basketball. Regardless of the rules or who the refs are, you can only get away with so much. If you call someone a bitch, expect it that they may want to punch you in the face. Ultimately, if you swear too much you are hurting your team.


No fuck off and find something else to do!


Something someone supposedly said


“If swearing be the food of love, then go fuck yourself!” - William Shakespeare


Ooonnnnllllyyyy joking!!!


“There is no such thing as too much swearing. Swearing is just a piece of linguistic mechanics. The words in between are the clever ones.” - Peter Capaldi


Peter fucking Capaldi


Songs


Family Reunion - Blink 182

Killing in the Name - Rage Against The Machine

Uncle Fucka - Terrence and Phillip

Asshole - Denis Leary

Fucking in Heaven - Fat Boy Slim

Fuck You - Ceelo Green

Fuck The World - The Vines

Don’t Marry Her - The Beautiful South

Move Bitch - Ludacris

©2018 S is for Something