S is for...Suckers
Some of you already know me pretty well, some of you probably should know me better, and now some of you clearly do now know me better.
But fuck me, some of you lot are suckers!
When I wrote the ‘S is for...Sex’ entry the other day, I wasn’t doing it with any particular agenda. That's not why I write this blog. To reiterate, the blog started because of coaching, but I just like writing and it's a fun way to chat shit. That's the agenda. At some point I was genuinely/am going to write about sex. But when I realised I had an opportunity to include nothing about sex in the article and just prove what a bunch of filthy pervs you all are. I just couldn’t help myself! Hahahahahaha!!!
That probably says more about me, than it does about you! Hahaha!
But let’s be honest, what is there to write about sex?
I know how to have sex. To quote one of my heroes, Lee Evans, “My balls work!”. I even have a son. Also I know, because it’s fucking weird, that I lost my virginity - at least I think I did - on 02/02/02. Because yeah, like I say, it’s a weird fucking date. Like, it’s a memorable moment in anyone’s life; good or bad. But I remember the date because it’s a fucking weird date. Not only that, I THINK, it’s the day that I first started wearing contact lenses. Listen, shut up - it's a memorable date. PS - I was born in September 85, so that makes me 16 on that date. Just for the record. But meh, I could be wrong about it all. And you thought your life was exciting!
But come on man, I write ‘S is for...Sex’, just the title, and some of you are already salivating at the prospect of the content of the post. You think I’m being silly.
IT’S ONE OF MY MOST CLICKED ON POSTS!!! Which is outrageous because I write some absolute gold. Who doesn't remember S is for... Soup, and S is for... Shit the bed? G-OLD!
In fact...who doesn’t like some S is for...Stats!? I did a little list of the Top 10 posts; this is based on the data that Facebook gives me. I've picked the Top 10 based on how many clicks each post has got. You could look at 'engagements' and all that stuff, but I'm looking at clicks. Let's be honest, no one really reads what I write anyway, clearly. The stats speak for themselves.
Anyways, here's the Top 10 most clicked on S is for... posts.
1. Special Guest Writer: Adam Davy - Soccer *eye roll face*
6. So...wrote a lyric didn't I?
7. Special Guest Writer: Kate Stenlake - Special Needs
I can’t say I’m surprised, though. It’s basically what the internet is for, right? Porn, cat videos, and picture of food. That’s it.
Few things worth noting. S is for...Securable has a picture of me in my pants! Hahahaha! So, not looking quite like Bruce Lee, but still...I'm in my pants, more confirmation that you are all a bunch of pervs.
Two of the posts, S is for...Son and S is for...Services, have pictures of my son as the post image. But to be honest is absolute eye candy - so again, kind of makes sense - kind of like me in my pants!
I've written 94 posts on the blog, including this one. I don't think that’s a pretty good effort. Since I started, it's about one every four days. There's been some pretty massive gaps. But you know, in that time I have had to work. And this year I've released my first book and an EP. So, it's not like I've been doing nothing. Oh yeah, and help raise a one year old.
But where do we go from here?
Where do I go from here?
There’s playing to stereotypes and then just the fact that people are horny as shit and all they want to do do is just oggle at some meat!
Do I just post pictures of me in my pants every day?
I mean, if we had to predict what would be the most clicked on S topics...like as a hypothetical National Average, I figure the Top 5 S is for... topics would be something like...
Sex - obviously
Slap and tickle
They’d all be related to sex wouldn’t they?! I did initially start to conjure up other topics and then realised, no, no, don’t be stupid, they’d all be about fucking. And I will remind myself I’m not stupid, as an, *ahem*, self-published author, I know that there is a huge, A HUGE market out there for erotica!!
Where as if it were me, innocent old me, and I had to pick a top 5 S subjects that I would expect me to click on...
Yeah, Sex is going to be on there...
But I’m telling you S is for...Sandwiches is a strong S topic. Like, SERIOUSLY STRONG. That’s making the top 5.
Then proooooobably something like.
Soul Music - big fan of soul music.
Scorsese, Martin - one of my heroes.
Sport - yeah, boring old me.
So in a nutshell. In no particular order.
They would be easy click-bait topics for me. I mean, it pretty much sounds like the perfect day!!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!!
Something someone supposedly said
“Can you dig it sucka?” - Booker T
You’re so vain - Carly Simon
Gullible - Wale
Stuck in the middle with you - Steelers Wheel
Fool’s Gold - The Stone Roses
Chain of Fools - Aretha Franklin