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  • Chris Davy

S is for...Squirrels


I was at West Park in Wolverhampton with my Dad aaaaaaages ago. I must have been about 12? West Park is a lush park by the way. It’s got a cool lake in the middle that you can row boats on. I’ve done that on the occasion.


But also at the park are loads of squirrels. At least there used to be. I’m not sure what is kicking around these days. A lot of the English Squirrels had died because of the arrival of the American Squirrel. Genuinely. This is some anti-America post crewted through the guise of squirrels. American squirrels are cunts and their arrival has lead to the decline in the English squirrel population. Not sure what we can do about that exactly. Some nature trust and foundation should probably be doing more. Or you know, not, because fuck it; it’s only part of the eco system. It probably doesn’t have much impact anyway. So yeah, whatever, bollocks to it.


But I had been to the park with my Dad. And we had got some nuts to feed the squirrels.


Don’t do that Chris they are vermin!


Oh fuck off, I‘ll day it again, have you met people?



And so we went to find some squirrels to feed. And we did. So you can put some nuts in the palm of your hand and they’ll come over and eat out of it. I, like a twat, tried to stroke one of them whilst it was eating out of my hand. Can’t remember if it was with the hand they hand picked nuts out of, but either way, it scratched my thumb and I was convinced I was going to get rabies or something. It didn’t stop me stroking it mind, we carried of feeding them. I think the trick was, let it eat out of your hand, and stroke it with the thumb of that hand. They seemed to be pretty cool about that.


But yeah man, squirrels are cool, I like them.


Another squirrel story I remember. Yeah I have two.


i was leaving school once I think it was, or perhaps on lunch, I’m not quite sure. And in Exmouth there is a massive park called Phear Park. Just outside the school gates is some massive trees. Now I remember walking by these trees and having something hit me. I thought it was a person. So I must have stopped to check out who it was, who was taking the piss, and probably tell them to fuck off. As long as I thought I could have ’em/generally didn’t like them anyway. But I couldn’t see anyone.


Then another thing hit me, and another. And some how I realised it was coming out of the trees. To which point, I started picking up these nuts and launching back at the squirrels in the trees. Because fuck you squirrels you fucking dickheads!


I did that for a fair few minutes. I think a mate of mine came over to join in for a bit. And then we got bored and went home.


Great story, right?


And finally, my step-dad introduced the word squidgy into my life at some point when I was younger. As another word for a squirrel. So, yeah, I’m au fait with that terminology. If you see a squirrel, as far as I’m concerned it’s also a squidgy.


Not 100% sure why, I think it’s because that’s what they go like if you run them over in the car, or your dog catches one!

And a final note about squirrels, it’s really no surprise to me that Terry ‘the legend’ Nutkins used to present things like The Really Wild Show.


Something somone supposedly said

”I don‘t trust squirrels.” - Terry Rozier


Songs

The Mississippi Squirrel Revival - Ray Stevens

Eyes of the Squirrel - Primus

Little Acorns - The White Stripes

Secret Squirrel - Marcy Playground

Goodbye Squirrel - Cledus T. Judd

Gray Squirrel Song - The Kilboomers

A Song About Squirrels - Deadmau5

S.I.M.P. - Squirrels in my pants

8:02pm - For Squirrels












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