S is for... Slip and Slide
Probably one of the coolest things you can experience. We used to have a slip and slide when I was a kid. We had quite a big garden when I was little. I remember having a slip and slide. Whack some water down, maybe some washing up liquid; although I don’t know if we did that. But leg it and do your worst.
It is an awesome thing to have on a hot summers day.
What it also reminds me of is a time when I was on holiday. We were in Lanzarote. I had to check where that holiday was with a friend; who was on the same holiday. My memory clearly isn’t great. The rest of this story might explain why.
So, I stayed in a villa with my Mum and Step-Dad. My brothers and their mates stayed in one next door. There was a pool a few 100 yards from the villa. I think it was all self-catered but there was a little bar or shop near the pool. Anyway, we are all hanging out and playing in the pool.
I’m sure it was that holiday that we had a lilo that had loads of innuendos printed on it. One said ‘slippery when wet’. My brothers are reading the lilo after we’ve blown it up and then as they are reading it I giggle at ‘slippery when wet’. One of them goes to me,
"Why’s that funny? What’s slippery when wet, then?”
And I say,
That sounds about right, I wouldn’t have said titties, or jugs, or baps, norks, jubblies, fun cushions, melons. Gotta love those synonyms! Anyways, yeah I said boobs - because I was about 10! But how did I know about slippery when wet? Another story for another day. Ah, the innocence of youth.
That’s also the holiday I told one of my brother's mates to ‘shut up, you fat twat’. Again, I was about 10. He basically told me if I did that again he’d kill me - or words to that effect. I never did it again. As you can imagine if he was even remotely close to being a fat twat, he was quite big. He was quite big and I was 10. I was 10 and weedy.
Back to slip and slide, as soon as I tell you, you’ll probably figure where this is going. So, a couple of my brothers friends are leaving to fly home. We are speaking to them near the pool. Everyone a few moments earlier was sliding across the edge of the pool, on the tiles on their feet. The tiles were slightly wet, so it made them slippy. I don’t think I had been brave enough to try doing it. Not as well as some other people had been doing it, anyway. A few people were going pretty far.
Anyways, I tried, slipped, fell backwards, smacked my head, and knocked myself the fuck out! Bam!
The next thing I remember was waking up in the villa on a sofa with my Mum or someone dabbing a wet flannel on my head. I felt like I had been out for days. Honestly, I woke up and was like how long have I been out? It was probably less than 5 minutes.
I’d obviously shit everybody up, because I was unconscious. My brother had picked me up in ‘brother protection survival mode’ and just legged it to the villa with me in his arms; so I was told. How am I to know? I was unconscious. But I’m sure he did. Thanks mate.
Looking back on it. That is a moment where subconsciously I probably started to properly realise that stuff goes on outside of what you are aware of at the time. Because how else would I have ended up one minute at the edge of the pool, and next minute lying on a sofa? Teleportation isn’t possible mate, not as far as I’m aware anyway. But people looking out for each other is.
Who doesn’t love a good quote?
“The fine line between roaring with laughter and crying because it's a disaster is a very, very fine line. You see a chap slip on a banana skin in the street and you roar with laughter when he falls slap on his backside. If in doing so you suddenly see he's broken a leg, you very quickly stop laughing and it's not a joke anymore.“ - Roald Dahl
Songs to listen to now:
Livin’ On A Prayer - Bon Jovi
Don’t Look Back in Anger - Oasis
Slippery People - Talking Heads
Slippery When Wet - Commodores
Slippery - Migos feat. Gucci Mane
Slip Away - David Bowie