S is for... Santa Claus
S is for... Santa Claus
Ok the REAL reason I was so slack yesterday writing the blog was because... I'm Santa Claus. I didn't have time to write this shit. I had presents to deliver didn't I!? Didn't I?
So, before we go any further, yes I believe in Santa Claus, I believe in the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the Bogeyman, in miracles, I can fly, in life after love, and...and...I don't give a shit if you don't. I mean, we all know I do...I'm empathetic...but I'll get over it. Question is, if you don't believe in it, will you get over the fact that I do believe in it?
Fact is...we all know(most of us know) that Christmas is a bit of a cash cow. So are a lot of the special occasions we have throughout the year. I know, I used to work in my step-dads card and gift shop. I used to sell all those Beanie Babies. Look at the blog post on the December 1, 2018. I've handled some serious money at Christmas time.
But, if we didn't make a big deal about some of these occasions then as a nation we'd lose loads of jobs, the economy would go mental. Think, just THINK, about the impact it would have if we didn't celebrate some of these things. So...am I trying to sell the idea of Christmas to you? No, not really, I don't have the marketing budget to compete with the big players at this time of year. Plus, I don't need to, they do a good enough job of selling Christmas to you. All I'm saying is celebrating is a good thing. Buying shit, literally all this bullshit we buy, is a good thing. What is not a good thing...is greed. Greed has got no place in my life at Christmas. Greed can kiss my ass. It's the excess that ruins everything. Those few drinks later or that extra bit of cake. When that spills over it's shit. You know I'm right, because chances are we'll all see someone over the next day or two absolutely splatter someone's carpet with vom! It might even be you. It's definitely been me at some point.
So, if anyone tries to ruin Christmas for anyone by telling them Santa isn't real you can officially call them a bell-end. How can we discuss something not being real by discussing it....IN THE REAL WORLD? I rest my case. He's real. Maybe as you get older you realise he can't do everything you thought he could. But he clearly is real. Maybe, you just misinterpreted his powers. SANTA CLAUS IS REAL!!!!
Have a great day. I hope he got you everything you want. And if you think he didn't, maybe you aren't looking hard enough x because I know he has.
Who doesn't love a good quote?
"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph." - Shirley Temple
Songs to listen to now:
Listen, I'm not going to list them all. But we all know the best UK Christmas Number one was...
Killing In The Name - Rage Against The Machine
Make sure you play it at least once today!